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[personal profile] ajayinthedark
Out of all the flashbacks in the fic, this one carries the most weight, and it was one of the few scenes I had in mind before I started writing. Despite being close to the middle of the fic, this scene draws together most of the symbols and repeated phrasing I use and makes them the most prominent; it's here, when paying attention to the rhetorical devices becomes easier and everything starts clicking together, just like things do for Chenle and Donghyuck.


Becoming friends with Chenle had everything to do with Mark Lee, but becoming friends with Chenle had nothing to do with Mark Lee.

It had nothing to do with Mark Lee, but it had to do with Renjun, because back then, everything in Donghyuck’s life had to do with Renjun.

Life wasn’t moving in a straight line. [Happy pride month.] Working two part time jobs was a trial by fire college hadn’t prepared Donghyuck to face, and late nights spent updating songs into karaoke systems one by one and sorting paper clips by colour and size [I was talking to Bo, and we both concluded that working at some chain stationery store like Staples would be Donghyuck's worst nightmare.] didn’t offer much time to practise and prepare monologues or choreo for larger scale auditions. It took a miracle and a half for him to land a shabby Shakespeare production with Renjun’s friend of a friend of a friend, and another stroke of luck for him to bump into a casting agent on closing night.

If it wasn’t for Renjun sitting with him through all the late nights [Renjun always lives in the late nights, dark corners, and black rooms of Donghyuck's life. Even though Chenle and Donghyuck have so many scenes in the dark/in the night, Chenle is always associated with the mornings for him, and Renjun is associated with the nights.], rehearsed lines, and balled up papers thrown around his bedroom, Donghyuck would’ve gone insane from his own frustration.

(Instead, he went insane from stolen makeup, goodnight texts, and peeled tangerines on the counter.) [Only the stolen makeup is a reference to something Renjun's done in the fic, making the others implied. I couldn't make space for the other details in the fic, but they happened regularly when they were living together.]

A couple days later, Donghyuck stood at a bus stop [The bus stop itself is symbolic for the transience in the scene. Everything is moving, and Donghyuck is at a part in his life where he's scrambling to catch up with the world around him. As for Chenle, this is around the time he realises he isn't in love with Mark anymore--the reason why neither of them bring Mark up in the rest of the scene.] with a few creased business cards in one hand and his phone in the other, staring at a two weeks’ notice template. He was Atlas [Classical Greek allusion. I use them pretty sparingly, but the uses I have are incredibly fun.], his shoulders weighed down by the world, and he wrapped his jacket tighter around himself to fend from the cold while replaying every accidental pause and awkward gesture from an hour prior.

Life was a new Starbucks limited edition flavour of watery misery.

“You should fix your posture.” [Donghyuck is a chronic shrimp posture-er.]

Donghyuck looked up and saw Chenle coming to a stop next to him. He was the only familiar face in the green room, and they sat next to each other the entire time waiting for their call; he had reread his side for the forty-fourth time over while Chenle hoarded the complimentary lozenges and played video games on his phone. [Juxtaposition of their approaches on life. Donghyuck plans everything down to a meticulous T, where Chenle cruises along and does whatever the hell he needs and wants to get by.] He was wearing a t-shirt that day despite the brisk fifties, and stretching across his forearms were the outlines of what would soon become sprawling floral tattoos. [I don't get the chance to mention it much, but Chenle's tattoos are one of my favourite details. It's inspired by that one crazy bubble he sent with a half sleeve that we never heard about again.]

“Thanks for letting me know,” Donghyuck said with as much cheer as he could muster. Moving his face had the same sensation as bending plastic into shape.

In Chenle’s hand was one of those ice pops with two sticks meant for sharing [Food as a metaphor for love is the most romantic thing in the world to me.], and he broke it apart to offer to Donghyuck. Unlike him, however, Donghyuck wasn’t insane; he didn’t eat ice cream in this kind of weather. He shook his head and Chenle shrugged, nibbling on both and alternating on a whim.

Out of all the things Donghyuck expected Chenle to bring up—how the audition went, his thoughts on the show as a whole, ample small talk about the shitty weather—he wasn’t prepared for, “Why do you always do that thing?”

“Huh?”

“That thing,” he repeated, biting off a huge chunk of popsicle and gnawing on it caveman style, “You make your voice higher pitched so it sounds like you’re happier than you actually are. Why do you do that? If you want me to shut up, you can tell me.” [Chenle is so perceptive of all Donghyuck's habits, but he lacks perception of how Donghyuck feels. Across every scene, Chenle is analysing Donghyuck's every last movement, trying to put it together in a puzzle in his head.]

His words were blunt [Exactly what Donghyuck needs, whether he realises it or not.], landing right at the sore spot he’d been trying to cover up since he met Chenle in all his glowing, headstrong glory.

“I don’t want you to shut up,” Donghyuck said eventually, kicking a rock off the sidewalk and into the street. He dropped his voice, and despite how rough it sounded to his ears, it made Chenle smile. “It’s a pretty shit day.”

“Why?”

Donghyuck hated opening up in most scenarios, hated the way vulnerability left a trail of acidic slime in his throat every time he said something five inches within his heart. But there was so much earnestness in the question—an invitation for honesty in the form of a tilted head and sharp eyes—he couldn’t help blurting out, “I think I’m in love with Renjun.”

It was the first time he said it out loud [First time he said it aloud, but not the first time he's thought it, which makes it interesting he says "I think" instead of "I am". His hesitation comes from the fact that he's spent years acting towards stages and towards his friends, that the lines between script and reality have been blurred to him to an almost indecipherable separation.], and for all the weight sinking into his stomach, an equal amount fell off his shoulders.

He repeated, “I think I’m in love with Renjun.”

“Oh shit.” Chenle blinked. [Not what Chenle was expecting at all. He didn't realise whatsoever, but he also knows exactly how it feels. He's getting over Mark, after all.] “Happy for you?” He finished his ice cream and tossed the sticks in a nearby bin. “Or sorry that happened.”

Donghyuck laughed. [Chenle's blasé reaction is so much easier to digest than something like a long ass monologue or lecture. The two of them work perfectly as friends because they always know what's better for the other because it's what's better for them. Their compatibility as friends is what appeals to me about their ship, especially because the transition from friends to lovers to them is made so much more difficult.] He didn’t know which fit better, either. Lightheaded from the confession, he blurted out, “Can I ask you something weird?”

“I don’t have a foot fetish.”

“You’re so—” Donghyuck punched his arm, well above the fresh ink [Donghyuck doesn't want to hurt him :( ], and Chenle barely swayed from the force. “Can you, like—?” He tried and failed to think of more approachable phrasing, opting to swallow all his inhibitions and take a plunge. “Can I get a hug?”

Donghyuck didn’t know how Chenle was such a good actor when it was so easy to read the twitches in his face. The evident confusion was humbling, to say the least. “That is weird.”

A small piece in Donghyuck threatened to crack. “Sorry, I’m kind of— it’s my love language and I don’t— if I say please, will—?”

Before he could finish, Chenle wrapped his arms around Donghyuck and squeezed, his body steady and solid. [Classic HyuckLe hug, the paragon of them as a ship.] He brought his head down to rest in the crook of Donghyuck’s neck [Always Chenle hiding in someone's neck.], hands curling into the fabric of his sweatshirt. Everything about the touch was warm [Warm like the sun.], Donghyuck closing his eyes to let Chenle press the pieces together. [This is where it all starts for Donghyuck, whether he realises it or not.

As for Chenle, well, it started a long, long time ago for him. Maybe it started from the start. Who knows? Not me, that's for sure.]


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ajayinthedark: (Default)
a jay in the dark

little sun (derogatory)

roses are red, 7dream is fate, i'm 90% sure chenle isn't straight